From time to time a member of your staff, or a colleague, may ask for a ‘quiet word’ in order to share a difficult problem or worry. It may be a sensitive work-related issue or something to do with their life outside work. It has probably taken some courage for them to approach you and they may be feeling nervous or emotional .
This is an important part of a manager’s job, but it is often evaded, because of a feeling that it is only for qualified experts. Here are some straightforward guidelines:
1. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you like to be treated?
2. Judge how much of your time it might take. If possible deal with it immediately or..
3. Agree a time when you are least likely to be interrupted.
4. Agree a place. If it’s your office, don’t sit behind your desk.
5. 95% of your task is to listen. Don’t talk about yourself.
6. Stay relaxed, but show by your body language, facial expression and tone of voice that you are interested and concerned for them.
7. Show understanding and empathy from time to time in whatever way seems appropriate.
8. Don’t be embarrassed by silences. Let them set the pace.
9. Don’t be embarrassed by their emotion. Have available a box of tissues.
10. Ask for clarification on any points if it seems necessary.
11. Very briefly summarize your understanding of the situation using phrases like ‘It sounds as if ...’, ‘From what you say it seems as if …’
12. Ask if there is anything practical you can do to help.
13. It may be appropriate for them to see someone else. Be aware of the options and discuss them if necessary.
14. Agree on some form of follow-up (if they want it) and keep in touch.
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